What's Sadder Than a Sad Clown.

Sorry for those that come here hoping to be entertained.  Then again my brother is the only one who reads these anyways.  I wanted to keep a blog cause people don't like me when I talk on Facebook.  I've had some retweets on Twitter but usually only when talking about politics, or should I say Paulitics.  My life depresses me, my work depresses me.  Politics depress me,  my body depresses me.   Even a show called Glee is starting to depress me.  It's only a TV show,  but guy's are trying suicide, women are getting beaten, and the woman surviving a car accident is finding love.  The biggest thing that has been making me feel like a 'has-been'  is that I've never taken a single shot in my life.  If a woman turns me down I sulk instead of making her fall in love with me like I know I have the power to do.   I've never professionally taken a shot. I'm gonna be 33 this month and I've never even tried.  I've just floated through life.  As William Wallace said in Braveheart.  "Every man dies, not every man truly lives".   I ask myself why I never tried out for wrestling school 10 years ago.   I ask myself why I never auditioned for a part in a local production.  I know I have the stage presence.   Am I a Loser? No! Cause to be a loser you have to have competed, I'm not a has-been, I'm a never-was.  I don't even know if I want anyone to read this or if i'm just writing it down to get it out of my system.

     Since I got hit by that car my life has been a total mess.  I was in training for the kettlebell competition.  I was in training for the 10k run in May.   In August of last year I would have competed in the Try a Tri.  a Shorter distance Triathlon.  By early this year I would have been looking to up my mark and weights at this year's Kettlebell Comp.  I also would have been looking for a half-marathon in the spring to get me ready for the Toronto Marathon in the fall.  IT was all planed out.  Shitstorms are hard to forecast.  Every time I see my doctor I tell him how depressed I am.  But he just doesn't listen.  I think about suicide almost daily.   I've talked with some friends but I usually change the subject.  I talk to one guy at work who is like an angel. I always tell him if he were gay I'd marry him.  Either way when I win the lottery and become a Bond Villain he's gonna be my mad scientist

   See I make jokes even when unloading.  A woman asked/told me last week, that I'm always "on", if I would just be myself I might find someone.  Well I made a joke of it of course.  The one thing women say is an overriding feature in men that they find attractive is confidence.  I don't have any left.  I pretend to have some.  I'll sing an Adele song or two at karaoke.  But that's a mask(and I really like Adele).  How Am I supposed to show a woman that I'm frail, and weak.   I haven't been looking for a woman this year.  Like I said in an earlier post.  I got a woman's number but I don't really want it.  I can't afford to take a woman for coffee.  How am I supposed to go on an actual date.  Yes it's chauvinistic to think that I have to pay.  But it's also Chivalrous to know that I have to pay.

 I don't know if you read this, just tell me to be happy and I'll oblige.

Here's a song to cheer you up.

It's Been a few years but....

WOW I threw up at the bar.  I'm glad I made it to the toilet.  So all night long only woman in the bar is the bartender.  Of Course I have no chance but she's so gorgeous I can't help but stay.( I know I'm weak)  finally 2 girls come in.  Once again I have no chance.  That is, if a woman is looking for a one night stand. I have no choice.  But if she's looking for a man,  yeah I'm still not her first choice. hehehe.  These 2 girls must have had bruised ribs the amount of pricks bumping in to them.   I can't play that game.  It's another facet of the accident that drives me nuts.  I think if I was at the bar,  I probably would have not been drinking and By this time I would probably been around 220lbs, and maybe just maybe. I would have given some of the ladies Goose Bumps.  But as it stands, thanks to this guy running me over I'm back to absolutely no chance at becoming one half of a couple for at least  20 more years.  I'm glad I know this.  The chase is overrated.  I'm happy knowing I'm gonna be single for the rest of my life.   BTW.  I really want to write a positive one of these.  but my life sucks......

Second on Google Search.

So when you search Bibbos Ace Of Clubs on Google, I'm the second Choice.  Too bad no one knows who Bibbo is.  Even though I explain it early in my blog.  Playoff hangover, came in to work early bought everyone a coffe as per my lost bet.   Head held high, Sens did a great job this season and in this series.  You know I love Don Cherry, and he said it best. 'The best team lost.'  I like these days at work when I feel like I'm actually accomplishing something in the world.    It's a pain in the ass though, not to mention back, shoulder, neck and head.   I almost went out drinking last night,  but it was karaoke.  Although I love karaoke.  I usually only like to sing with Ralph.   Did I mention I sang Rolling in the Deep last week at karaoke.  It was probably as bad as you'd think.  But karaoke is japanese word for 'I don't give a Fuck', Honest. Look it up.    Well I guess that's all I have to say for now.   See you next time.

Happy Game Seven Day

So it's game seven of the Stanley Cup Playoffs.  What a great opening round.   But It all wraps up tonight.  The  Ottawa Senators have played in 4 Game sevens and lost them all.  Before the season started every expert in the hockey media predicted Ottawa to finish last.  Heck most of the fans thought we would finish last or close to last.  I was secretly hoping we'd do better.  But I knew at the end of the year.  We were in year 1 of a rebuild.  So sit back and enjoy the games, watch how the young kids on the team play,  and be happy for Alfredson who just might be playing his last year.

Fast forward to the end of the year, Sens are in a playoff spot.  Okay so we were in a playoff spot most of the year.  But how, why?  Well we have a new coach, new Goalie,  Lots of young talent and a few veterans.  Jason Spezza is having a career year.  Alfie is playing Like he's in his early 30's and we have the most offensive Defensive in the league by 20 + points.  So we're 8th seed, going against the number 1 seed New York Rangers.  Rangers in 4, Rangers in 5.  The "Experts" were at it again.  It's been a tough, tight series.   It all comes down to tonight.  No matter what the outcome, My Head will held high tomorrow.  The entire Sens Army's Heads will be held high,  The Ottawa Senators surely will have their heads held high.   But if we win....The question needs to be asked.  Was this year a blip in the rebuild,  or was last year a blip in the franchise???? GO SENS GO.

I wonder if I should write more.

I like writing down my thoughts,  I like giving my thoughts to tv shows, Wrestling, Superman characters, how bad I am at dating and women and everything.  and of course movie reviews. I know on sites like Cinemassacre.com and thatguywiththeglasses.com  the have 'blogged' reviews.   The problem is they are mostly negative reviews.  Despite my depression I really like to have positives reviews and such.  Say what you will about last week's Impact,  I loved the wedding inside the steel cage, everyone in their undies.  Especially ODB.  2nd hottest woman in wrestling right now.  See I look on the bright side of life.  I got a girls number last week at the bar.  I'd been trying to get it since October.   But really not trying that hard.  Diane the former owner of the bar told me to lose it, she's nothing but trouble.  I think she's right but I might go for a green tea with her  anyways.  Despite the fact that I'm the greatest guy in the world(with a body to match) , I don't get to go out that often with a lady.  Mostly due to me being chronically sore and broke.

    I called in sick to work today.  I was just so sore and in pain I could barely stand.  I didn't have no pain killers to help me through the day.   I only take them every 2 or 3 days.  I don't want to get addicted.   I hope the Senators wrap up this series by Saturday.  I really want to go out to karaoke. I miss the boys, and girls down at V.O.G.  Well I guess that's my thoughts today.  I really want to get a review up on the new Muppets movie.  If I don't get to it quick.  It's a non stop tear jerker. happy cries though not sad cries, except for the pictures in my head song.  That one is really sad.  Maybe not as sad as 'Saying goodbye' from the Muppets Take Manhattan.  then again what is cinematically sadder than that.



Well I only had one post in February, none in March.  I'm already at 2 for April is looking up.  Oh and I still haven't lost any weight so the beard is staying.  Take Care....comb your beard.  WOO WOO WOO, You Know It.

Playoffs WOOHOO

 I suppose I should Update the world on the condition my condition is in.  As always I'm still sore.  I can't seem to catch a break.  I lifted a few tires this week and threw them.  I was in pain the rest of the day.  I really miss being the beast I used to be, instead of the beastly creature I've become.  But a few weeks ago I did have the opportunity to work a full shift (Thank You Pain Killers). I felt so good that after work when I was at the coffee shop.  I was tearing up a little talking about how good it felt to make a difference in the world again.  Jan. 24,  2011 to Apr 6,  2012.  That's a long time to go without making a difference.  That's a long time to go without mattering to anyone or anything.  But now I'm back to not mattering,  but that's okay cause the playoffs are here.

     Game 1 We were down 4-0 we battle back and sent a message that we weren't going down easy.  Of course it was Alfie who would open the scoring in the series. After all he is the leader, he rules by example.  a 4-2 final result said that we can beat Lundqvist, and we're in it to win it.   A couple of shaky calls in the first game.  Karlsson takes 5 or 6 unanswered punches to the face -Glove on-, and get's a penalty along with the guy who punched him.  I think that play stuck in the players and coaches stomachs  like it did mine.  If the refs were gonna play that game, than we were gonna play by a different set of rules too.  see following video, from 0:50- 0:53.



Game 2 and yes were playing prison rules.  It started before game when we found out the starting line ups. Carkner was thrown in the line up, I would assume for one reason only and it wasn't to block shots.  I really wonder if it was Maclean saying we need the grit, or if Carkner begged to give the receipt that was owing to Boyle.  Either way it was wild and woolly right from the start, and didn't let up.  2 Game Misconduct's given Early,  Having Dubinsky out of the line up, sure was a win for us.   I was supposed to go to Karaoke last night. and believe me I really want to go.  But I just couldn't turn away. i didn't want to miss one second of this game.  Alfie went down,  but the team rallied.  Foligno took a high stick to the face causing his nose to bleed.  That wasn't called, oh yeah prison rules were in effect.  My new room mate is a Leaf Fan.  He suggested that if we don't win the Cup this year to blame it all on that one 'non-call' by the refs.  to Non hockey folks reading this, sorry that joke will go over your heads.  All in all, Game 1 we lost, but we built momentum, Game 2 we carried that momentum over and made it a win. Heading back home with all this momentum, waiting to hear Lyndon Slewage do what he does best.  We're not just in this Series. It's ours for the taking.

Promo Is Short For Promote

Now I’m not an ex wrestler, I’ve never been in the Biz.  I know quite a bit about wrestling,. but that doesn't make me a historian, nor an expert.   Some of my friends may disagree due to the fact that I usually do pretty well when it comes to trivia.  I wouldn’t  call myself a ‘Smark’ Cause I think that’s insulting to the industry.  I would proudly call my self a ‘Mark’.  A mark is a person who can be easily conned,  it originated in the Carny world, as did modern Pro Wrestling.    In the last couple of years, so called Smarks, meaning Smart Marks have called anyone who cheers, whatever they don’t like a mark.   WWE Mark, Cena mark,  TNA/Impact mark’s.   The reason why I am Proud to be a mark, is because.   I’m a fan of Pro Wrestling.  I buy the Cups and T Shirts.  I watch programming.  I like good Guys, and bad Guys, but when I go to a show. I cheer for the former and boo the latter.  So I’m a mark.  This blog post is from the position of a mark.  Not an expert, or someone knowing the in’s and  out’s of the biz.


 I wanted to talk a bit here about the 2/20/12 Raw, and how it relates to promo’s.   I tweeted a couple of weeks ago something to the effect of. “Oh no not another HHH - Taker match.” .  But then the next week, HHH came out and started talking about why he didn’t want the match with Taker.   In less than 10 minutes,  while talking about how he’s not gonna wrestle the Taker.  About why he’s not gonna wrestle the Taker.   Somehow I suddenly wanted to see this  match.   For about a year we’ve been speculating on who would face Taker in what we guessed would be his last Mania.   We( me and my friends)  wanted anyone but HHH.  After all they’ve already fought twice at Mania.   Yet in 10 minutes,  of a promo where HHH was not I repeat NOT, Trying to get a match over.  He made us want it more.  Than Taker came out and did a video package(which I’m guessing he put together inside his head with all his Magical Powers, and not By WWE creative), And I wanted to see the match even  more.  Than the Next week, HBK came out.    And these 2 tore the house down with a great 2 way Promo.   And after Last night,  we have the match in Hell In a Cell.   A theme that has been Prevalent in these promo’s has been, ‘the end of an era”.  clearly they’re talking about the Taker’s career.   But at the same time HHH, HBK, and Taker, together in these promo’s made me go from a match I didn’t want to see, to a match I had to see.    This why I’m a mark, but more importantly.  This why these two are the end of an era.  Without throwing a single punch.  They have made people want to spend money on this match.   They talked them into the building, truly a Lost art in Pro wrestling.   I hope Folks in the back were taking notes.

Which brings me to the Next Promo I wanted to talk about.  John Cena’s promo on the Rock.  Or Dwayne.    A lot of fans on the internet, and at live events don’t like Cena.   They say he can’t wrestle,  and they’re probably right.    But I think he wrestles good enough.  His promo’s are generally in the category of watching some bad movie where your expecting the star to say, “Look at me I’m Acting”.     Actually you could be talking about Cena’s own movies which he himself poked fun at last night. However I truly love the movie Legendary.   But last night something changed.   I could sense the hate in him.  The hate that Kane had been talking about, He has embraced it.  But not against the fans.  Against the Rock.  I should point out here that I am a Huge Fan of the Rock,  and also that I don’t hate, or dislike Cena.  I’ve also never been a huge fan of Cena either.   I do cheer Cena at live events because I saw this little kid crying once cause everyone was booing his hero.   I thought back to when all the grown ups told me how much Hulk Hogan sucked, Or how much better Thesz, Bruno, or Backlund were. I thought back to my teens when everyone told me that Bret Hart sucked(yes even here in Canada).  I remember how I felt then, so When I saw this kid Crying I started chanting for Cena.  People looked at me a little weird than noticed Why I was doing it.  and a few started Chanting "Lets go Cena" with me.  The Little boy only about 5 or 6 years old, had stopped crying,  His Grandpa who had brought him mouthed Thank you  to me.  It was a great feeling.  

But I digress back to last nights promo on Raw.  It did more to promote this match than any previous promo, by Cena or the Rock.   I felt the Passion of why Cena Hates the Rock,  I felt the Passion for Cena being a ‘Professional Wrestler”.   For the first time I felt that Cena does want to go to war with an opponent, that he truly does hate the guy he’s fighting.   Once again this is why I’m a mark.  I’m willing to suspend that disbelief for the product and allow it take me to a special place.    In the 8 or so years that Cena has been around the WWE.  I’ve never felt like he meant a promo before last night.   I think Cena is a fan of Pro Wrestling.   In being a fan I think that he has taken some notes,  from Taker, and HHH,  from CM Punk, and yes even from the Rock.   The Rock has all his fancy catchphrases but at the same time,  he has a Passion that makes you want to see him kick ass, or get his ass kicked.   Cena finally achieved that status.   I want to see Cena vs. The Rock, and for the first time in a year. I want to see John Cena win.    John used to have a catchphrase back when the fans used to cheer him.  He said that this was “Real Recognizing Real”.  I liked that Catchphrase,  and Last night, John Cena.  You were Real, and I’m Recognizing it.    

Well a week into the new year.  My Insomnia came back hard, which has led to depleted energy levels.  It's hard to get up and Go for a walk when it's really cold out, and I have zero energy.  But as it's Saturday night, and I;'m not going out partying this seems like a good a time as any to go out for a walk.    So I may still go out tonight after all.  the lucky thing is I have my metro pass.   If I walk really far and can't walk back due to my pains.  I can always use the TTC to get home.   So in the Mean time I might as well add my thoughts on Season 3 of Enterprise.



Star Trek Enterprise.  The Red headed step child of the star trek universe.  But why?  Okay so it undermines the original series.  The NX-01 was the first Enterprise.  Okay I see why you would hate it based on that.  I remember watching the First Episode.  There was a Klingon. But he looked like a Klingon from TNG and beyond.  That put me off a little.  Then an Opening with lyrics.  That put me off too.  I guess I was too accustomed orchestral music to open the show.  Or women screaming in orgasm as is the case with the original  series.  But lately I've been watching all the seasons.  I’ve seen it in a different way.  I can see what they were doing now. I can’t understand why the ratings went down every season.   There is a series Long Story arc about a temporal cold war.  Which is really intriguing.  Jeffery Combs is a semi regular on the season.  And that’s always good, here he plays Shren of the Andorian Imperial guard.  And they do describe the Klingon problem of why they look Human in TOS.

But what I really wanted to talk about was the third Season.  The story arc for this season actually starts in the Season finale of season 2.  Remember the 2 part episode of Voyager ‘Year of Hell’. well that’s what this season is. Only in stead of 2 parts it’s actually over the whole season.   It starts with an Alien probe that comes to Earth and burns a Swath from Florida to South America.  Killing 7 million people.  So Archer and his crew have to go into the Delphic Expanse. An area of space unlike our space.  Anomilies that rip your Ship apart, pirates, and of Course the Xindi.  The Xindi are the villains of the season.  They’re the guys who killed 7 million Humans.   Its intriguing to watch the crew, find out all these clues, and details about the Xindi.   I beg of you, if you are a fan of Star Trek or at least good television. Buy season 3 of Enterprise.  It’s the best season of the 4 by a long Shot.  I mean after all.  Humanity is always in danger in Star Trek.  But a season long arc, you really feel like there are fighting for something.  I  just wanted to talk about Enterprise.  It’s better than you think, or heard.  And season 3 is must watch.

Happy New Year.  Re-reading last years ‘year in review’ post, I almost feel as though I’ve gone back in  time.  That is, everything that was looking up last year, is a long way away this year.   I didn’t run the 10K, I didn’t represent Canada at the Kettlebell competition.  I didn’t lose that final 50lbs, in fact I put 50lbs back on.  I Guess I should have realized that last year was gonna be a bad year, when I heard about the “doomsday prophecy” that was gonna happen on my birthday.  That’s May 21st  in case you didn’t know.   So, this year I’ve decided to give everyone a Paid holiday on my birthday instead.  (If anyone is reading this from outside Canada.  May 21st is Victoria Day this year.)

    I don’t feel I need to go into again the details about my accident.  All you need to know is that it sucked.  I also know that you don’t know what I went through, just like I don’t know what you’ve gone through.  Last year I was on the cusp of greatness,  this year I look up to see mediocrity.   That sounds like a challenge to me.  New Years Resolutions sound like a challenge as well.  Probably more like goals.  You can only really make one resolution.  So, despite the obvious visual and Facebook clue from last nights status update.   I’ll tell you here for all to see.

    My New Years resolution is:  The Search For Darryl.


      I know what your thinking.   It’s too vague, no oversight or accountability .  It’s a good thing I’m about to explain what it’s all about.   First of all, as noted.  I WILL only drink (read Get Drunk) 3 times this year.  Wrestlemania, my birthday, and Hallowe’en.  Second, on  Dec. 31st I shaved my face to reveal the cherubic beauty that I posses under all that scruff.   The playoff beard starts now.  I will not shave ‘til I lose 50 lbs.  I’m currently 310lbs.   So 260 is the mark.  I also hope to be back up to working fulltime within 6 months.   I hope I can start back at the gym by then as well.   I also don’t want date till June.  If that.  Now if Valentines Day comes around and someone asks me out, I will probably oblige in a gentlemanly fashion.   Basically the long and the short of it is, despite how long I’ve been single, I don’t want my focus to be split this year.  I want to be the man I was destined to be.   As Will Smith says, “No Plan B, it Distracts From Plan A”.   I’ll find someone to love this year.  I just hope his name is Darryl.
   
      A year ago I considered my self an Athlete.  I wasn’t the only one who noticed.  Much like Brock Lesnar, that athlete retired due to injury.  I’m still in a lot of pain.   I still have all the stress, and worries that I had yesterday.  But, I also realized that in 2010 I was really happy.   For the most part it was due to the fact that I was training towards a goal.  It was because I realized for the first time in a long time that I was in fact an athlete.   I don’t know where that athlete went.  So the search begins.

    There is more about searching for Darryl though.  I realized last year that I had a talent.  That talent was,  I made a guy who never smiles laugh, and a grumpy guy get up dance.   So either I start my own religion, or I find out how best to use this talent.   Stand up comic?  Moviemaker?  Director?   Who knows?  Something along those lines.  I mean I really do enjoy working in the mud, outside all year long.  But I don’t think It’s what I was meant for.  At the very least I’m supposed to be the Emissary of the Prophets.   Inside joke.  Only one will get it.  So basically I need to figure out how to harness that energy.


    I also want to start a journey this year to live self reliantly.  Some prefer to say ‘Off The Grid”.   I think I can live a sustainable life without the need of a grocery store or,  paying for Hydro.   This isn’t actually a 5 year plan exactly.  More like a before I’m 40 plan.  To do this I will Probably need a car, and some land.  That land may not be in Canada.   Then again, it may be out in BC just waiting for me.  So I need to get my ducks in a row this year concerning that.  Much like My Beloved Ottawa Senators,  this is Year 1 of the ’rebuild’.  Quite a few goals this year.  All attainable, all reachable.  So to quote Mr. Barney Stinson.  The Search For Darryl.  “Challenge Accepted”.

 

The girl on the streetcar

     So my crazy drinking buddy of a neighbour, Suggests to me one night while drinking that we should take the streetcar to the end of the line since none of us had ever been to Neville Park.   This is what poor people do for fun. By the by(as the Down Homers like to say), in case you don't know. Neville Park is the end of the line in the east end of Toronto for the streetcar.  Like I said, this is what poor people do for fun.   So we grab a day pass, which allows 2 people to jump off and on at any time, all day on a weekend.    We take the bus to Humber  Loop, and away we go.   Tess(neighbour) makes some rye and fried baloney sandwiches.   We eat a couple on the way and plan on eating a couple on the way back.   We're past the DVP, over halfway.  I notice this girl sitting near us.  Since she's beautiful and I'm a guy so I notice her getting up quickly  to leave the streetcar.  I follow her movements to the side walk where she spins around abruptly, with a look of panic on her face.   I glance at the seat where she was sitting and notice a red gift bag.  I jump up from my seat and rush to the bag and hold it up to the window as the streetcar pulls away.  She nods to confirm that it is hers.  I then see this lady start to run after the streetcar, yet the car keeps going.  I tell Tess, "we're getting off".  We gather our things, and ring the bell.  By this time we're 2 stops passed we're the girl on the streetcar got off.   We exit the car, and get on the side walk where we see this lady running, full tilt, about 2 blocks away.   I hold up her red gift bag and she slows knowing the panic/emergency of the situation is over.  Upon reaching us and being extremely grateful, that is she thanked us about 100 times within 30 sec's.   Saying "thank you so much, this isn't even mine.  We're you guys getting off at that stop anyways?"  I replied "No.  It's just all apart of the adventure".   At me saying that, we locked eyes and for moment knew what each other was thinking,  She was thinking "Oh my god, this is the nicest guy in the world.  Thank you for restoring my faith in humanity".  Of course I was thinking.  "she's cute".  That was all I could think as she leaned in to give me the most honest hug I'd received in ages.  We said our goodbye's and mine and Tess's adventure continued.  Long story short,  there isn't a park at Neville Park.  There is a water treatment plant though.   But walk around a little and you might find the beach,  which at this time of year is mostly  an off-the-leash dog park.  we did play fetch with a little dog named Romeo, who liked for everyone to get a chance to play with him.  We ate  the last 2 baloney sandwiches, and journeyed home.

It was a fun day all in all.  I can't help thinking of that nameless girl from the streetcar. Someone asked me did I get her number?  That would have ruined the moment.   I'm glad she got to where she was going.  I'm glad she got to give that gift to the person that most likely  deserved it.  I know I made her day.  In a perfect world,   she didn't feel jaded by the world for the rest of the week.   I wonder if I'll bump into her again.....only the universe can decide that.    It was nice to know that a woman fell asleep that night probably thinking about me.  Let's put serendipity to the test. She might read this........You never know.